she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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