My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
