my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
