Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
