do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
