Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize