She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did I show you my penis last night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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