dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
