Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
