It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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