My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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