I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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