Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I fill condoms, not promises.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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