i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
