Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
