i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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