is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize