More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
