whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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