Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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