The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
