When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
