No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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