Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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