This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
