i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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