matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
