That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize