Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
