I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
