The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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