remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
