Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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