I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
how does that bad decision feel?
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