I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
