Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize