kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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