Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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