paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
