I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
