I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
