he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
