I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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