everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
