Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
