he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
