dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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