Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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