if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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