I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
