I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
