dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
