I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
