hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
