After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
