C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
