You're my little dorito
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
