So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
