I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
