We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
