I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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