I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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