I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize