yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
