there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
